21 Days...

...until my mini-vacation in Florida.

I'm excited, but trying to remain calm.

Memo

TO: Discovery Channel
FROM: Me

RE: Mythbusters "Shark Week" special

Featuring Kari Byron in various forms of "beachwear" during tonight's episode was downright cruel.

A man of my shaky morals and poor discipline does not need outside encouragement to become a "stalker."

In the future, please refrain from such displays or, failing that, please provide ample warning of such situations.

Thank you.

In other news...

...I'm off to Florida for a mini-vacation in about a month!

I question my own sanity for willingly going to Florida in August, but it's basically only going to cost me the price of a plane ticket, so I couldn't resist.

HOWEVER, the first day could be rough- I'll be at a New England Revolution game the night before my 6am flight- ouch.

Guess what I found!?

Today, while going about my errands I found myself faced with a construction related detour and as a result, I was sent down some roads over which I had never traveled.

And what did I encounter?

A K-Mart!

Once I got over the initial shock- I could have sworn the company had gone out of business a decade ago- I was further stunned to see that the K-Mart in question had an in-store diner! Suddenly, I was transported back to the rural NH of my youth, and I found myself thinking the same thing I had two decades ago, "People actually eat here!?"

According to the sign, in 2008, meals still start at $3.29! The cheapskate in me was sorely tempted to investigate, but my desire for a Thanksgiving Sub from DiAngelo's won out in the end.

All this being said, however, the K-Mart diner had nothing on the diner at J.J. Newberry's ("the store that wouldn't die") in downtown Laconia, NH.

Ah, memories.

Seriously, folks!

Can there be any more rain in the sky at this point? A few more days and need to invest in a snorkel.

9 Things Every Man's Bathroom Should Contain

It's about time I doled out some advice- so here it is!

1. A clipper kit: For hair touch-ups, side burn trimming, etc. I recommend a set by Wahl.

2. Brylcreem: For manly hair styling, and just the "little dab will do you" kind, nothing fancy. Sadly, it no longer comes in a metal tube, but it's the same stuff they've been making since 1928.

3. A styptic pencil: For shaving cuts. Yup, they hurt, but they also work really well. And beyond that, you won't forget and leave the house with a piece of toilet paper stuck to your face.

4. Bag Balm: If you live outside of New England or Eastern Canada, you probably have no idea what this stuff is- but you should. It was originally developed by dairy farmers to treat minor cuts and abrasions on the udders of their cows, and to make said udders supple. You- male human- can use it for minor cuts and abrasions, as a moisturizer, and a million other things. Available since 1899.

5. Pinaud Clubman Talc: Remember the dusting of powder the barber used to put on the back of your neck? It came in a green bottle or tin? This is the stuff. Make sure to get the kind with "fragrance," it smells great and it's been produced for almost 200 years.

6. Old Spice: The original scent. Anything else- body sprays, colognes, etc. are a waste of your money and a bit too close to being "perfume." It's been around since 1938, so your grandfather probably used it- I know mine did!

7. Murray's Superior Hair Dressing Pomade: When the light hold of Brylcreem just isn't enough, just reach for this stuff- you're hair won't move again until you wash it out. It hasn't changed since 1926, so you know it's good.

8. Shaving gear: A boar bristle brush, shaving powder, and a shaving mug to mix it in. Maybe not for every day, but it's a nice treat once in a while. If you're feeling brave, throw a straight razor into the mix!

9. Dopp Kit: You know that leather case with the zipper that expands and you can put most of the items above in it? That's what this is. And keep it classy, get a leather one.

Now, you are a man.

What? WHAT?!

On my way home today I passed a woman who was jogging...WITH HER STARBUCK'S CUP IN HER HAND?!

Really?!

So, about last weekend...

...here are the highlights

• 147lbs of spit roasted pig. I maintain that I did not actually eat that much of it. My brother in-law (a chef who was responsible for the preparation of the porker) begs to differ, claiming that I "packed it away." Whatever, that's not the point!
• On-site soft-serve ice cream machine: chocolate, vanilla, Butterfinger, and cookie dough. Say what you want, but my sister and brother in-law know how to throw a party.
• Whiffle Ball! Sure it wasn't as good as it could have been (too many little kids involved and we started too late), but it was still great.
• Setting out for the par 3 golf course, finding out there was a tournament going on, and having to go to the "big boy" golf course. I could have done better, but frankly, I did better than I thought I was going to.
• Some board game with my relatives that led to endless inappropriate outbursts by just about everyone involved.
• Visiting with and mocking my Australian relatives.

All in all it was a fine weekend.

Now, having done my bloggerly duty, I shall go eat Drake's Funny Bones and drink Mt. Dew Code Red.

My Weekend

I'll be back later to go over my weekend in detail, but this picture pretty much sums it up!

Discretion is the better part of...

...I considered post a lengthy misanthropic screed in response to several fellow humans with which I was forced to deal today, but in the end, I decided not to. They've already taken enough of my time, I've calmed down a bit, and I don't want to get so worked up that I cannot sleep tonight.

So I'll leave it at this: I did not punch anyone involved. Didn't even glare at them or roll my eyes.

Serenity now.