So, what the hell, let's discuss the women (not necessarily "relationships")who have come and gone in the last few decades. I will, in an attempt to be somewhat discrete about their identities use numbers instead of initials or names.
1. We held hands (and may have kissed- I guess I should remember one way or the other!) in a stairwell at a middle school dance. When I saw you at my 20th reunion last summer it was shocking how poorly you had aged. You need to take better care of yourself.
2. All I really remember about you is your name and that my little brother mentioned that you had a big butt. You did. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
3. You were my first serious girlfriend (it lasted about a year...?). You're a wonderful person and you looked great at our 20th, but I know why we broke up, you're about 1% away from being mentally ill.
4. Hmm...you were a couple of years younger than me...cute...and a horrible kisser- really, really bad. I broke up with you because I was pretty sure you were cheating on me (you were). I dumped you over the weekend and was dating your best friend by Monday afternoon. THAT is why you don't mess with me.
5. I should have dated you instead of your friend from the very beginning- you were more fun and a much nicer person. I'm not sure why we broke up- me going to college maybe?
6. We worked together briefly, you were friends with *****. We did bad things together and they were fun.
7. You offered me a ride home from ****** one evening and that led to a few months of daytime rendezvous at my house and nighttime ones in your hatchback. Good fun and nobody got hurt!
8. It was doomed from the start- and I think that was part of the attraction. Still, I should have been nicer when it ended.
9. You were friends with the same person as #6 and I never, EVER, liked you and if you hate me for it, well, good.
9. You a friend of a girl in my dorm and you were my first "one night stand" and that was because you were crazy- and not in a good way. You only reinforced that by showing up at my house unannounced one summer evening- even though I'd never even told you what town I was from, much less my address. Creepy.
10. Easily the most beautiful person I've ever seen naked, in person. Unfortunately, that didn't matter because you're also the most shallow person I've ever met. Sure, I wonder what I might have missed, but it wouldn't have been worth the compromise.
11. You are a fundamentally decent person, have a great family that I liked a lot, and I never should have married you. I hope you found somebody you could be yourself with and/or dealt with your issues.
12. Second and last one night stand, but we both knew that was all it was going to be, and it was great for what it was. That only one person ever found out was great as well- because it destroyed him and he deserved it! I will never watch Jeopardy or a presidential debate without smiling.
13. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren't perfect and you made mistakes. Unfortunately, I was less perfect and made more, bigger mistakes. I regret them all. We're still in touch and you seem to, at least on some level, have forgiven me for some of it and I'm thankful for that.
14. If it had all happened in a "bubble," it might have been fine. It wasn't going anywhere, but it was intense. Too bad it ruined so much for so many people.
15. There was probably too much in the way of it actually going anywhere, but I only connected with one other woman on this list as much as I did with you. You just kind of disappeared, which on some level, I can understand. I just hope you found peace of mind- you deserve it.
16. Is it wrong that I think you could have handled it with a little more class and compassion? It was your idea after all. A sincere explanation could probably set a lot of things right even at this late date, but I'm not holding my breath.
Wow! That list was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be!
